MAKSUD HATI ....

Maksud hati ingin pindah kerja, apa daya tangan tak sampai. Maksud hati ingin ga' ada di sini lagi, apa daya tak mungkin melampaui fitrah sebagai istri dan sebagai seorang muslim.

Menghabiskan waktu hampir sepuluh tahun lamanya di tempat yang sama, tanpa kemajuan yang 'nendang' sungguh sangat menguras energi. Semua isi hati terkuras untuk berkompromi, bertoleransi dengan semua kemandekan ini.

Tapi sepuluh tahun hampir lamanya waktu terbuang begitu sia-sia. Saya tidak berkesempatan melakukan apa-apa. Saya tidak berkesempatan mengembangkan diri dan kemampuan saya. Saya merasa sangat tidak berguna.

COMFORT ZONE YANG MENGERIKAN

Begitu banyak keuntungan untuk tetap berada di sini. Nama besar, pasti. Keamanan, apalagi. Nyaris tak pernah terdengar pegawai dipecat di sini, kecuali untuk hal yang sangat merugikan dan karena melakukan kesalahan yang prinsip. Bahkan jarang pula terdengar ada pegawai yang mengundurkan diri. Kalaupun ada, angkanya bisa dihitung dengan jari tangan.

Mungkin hanya di sini, pegawai berhak cuti besar 3 (tiga) bulan lamanya setiap 6 (enam) tahun sekali. Itu pun masih diberi uang saku 1 (satu) bulan gaji. Itu pun bila hak cuti besarnya tak ingin dinikmati semua, masih bisa dijual dengan kompensasi uang lagi.

Bila pasangan berdinas di luar daerah/negeri, bahkan pegawai boleh cuti di luar tanggungan perusahaan setahun lamanya dan bisa diperpanjang. Kelar itu, pegawai bisa balik lagi bekerja di sana. Menginjak usia 56 tahun, mengakhiri masa tugas, maka uang pensiun akan dinikmati setiap bulannya.

Kesehatan, nyaris 100% ditanggung. Bahkan pegawai perempuan pun tidak lagi dikategorikan sebagai lajang. Maka pegawai perempuan berhak atas biaya pengobatan bagi keluarganya hingga 3 (tiga) orang anak.

Gajian, haduuuuhhh ... hampir 20 kali gaji dalam setahun ! Di sini, gajian dibagi dalam 2 (dua) termin, setiap tanggal 15 dan tangal 30, enak kan ? Pinjaman, paling lama 5 (lima) tahun sekali ada pinjaman lunak yang besarnya mencapai 5-10 kali gaji mungkin, cukup signifikan-lah maksudnya. Makan, gratis makan siang !

Masih banyak berderet kenikmatan yang bisa dirasakan bila berada di sini. Jam kerja yang sangat ramah buat keluarga, keberadaan kantor pusat di daerah yang super duper strategis, bingkisan sembako setiap lebaran, koperasi yang bisa dihutang langsung potong gaji, dan lain-lain dah ! Tapi hidup 'kan bukan cuma itu ? Bahkan hidup prioritasnya 'kan bukan itu ? Keutamaan hidup itu kedamaian, ketenangan, kebahagiaan hati karena ridho Allah SWT. Dan itu bukanlah hal yang mudah .....

OUT OF THE BOX or OUT OF THE BOSS ?

Hahahaha ... Tapi hidup ini kan tidak selamanya melulu soal uang ? Betul, manusia butuh uang. Tapi uang bukan segala-galanya. Kebahagiaan bukan sesuatu yang bisa dibeli dengan uang.
Menurut Teori Maslow, kebutuhan manusia yang tertinggi adalah aktualisasi diri, mengekspresikan diri, menunjukkan kemampuan dirinya agar bermanfaat bagi lingkungannya. The problem is, I cann't do it here.

Maybe, this has been a wrong place for me. Although I have been wasting my time almost for ten year here. But I am sure that I will find another good place with a better environment and brighter future.

Above of all, having a job is such a big thing that deserve to be grateful. Alhamdulillah. But on the other hand, we have to do something that giving ourselves getting better as a human being. We will not wasting time for doing nothing, won't we ? Having our own money without real working is so weird. It's not fair.

ONCE MISTAKE ?

Bagai kejatuhan durian runtuh, di hari yang sama 2 (dua) tawaran pekerjaan yang jauh lebih hebat datang suatu hari. Sekuat hati berjuang meyakinkan suami dan orang tua. Saya menginnginkan kesempatan ini. Ini memang bukan yang pertama. Begitu sering kesempatan itu datang. Tapi begitu sering pula 'permintaan' menghadang. Permintaan untuk bertahan. Maka kali ini, saya sungguh-sungguh ingin dimengerti ....

Maybe I was wrong, maybe not. I know what I want. I know that I have a good ooportunity. I know that I can compete. But on the contrary I just can't make it happen.

Is it a mistake being a moslem ? Or would it be more mistake being a moslem wife ? I am so sure with all I've done so far. I am so sure with my decision. But I also sure about Allah SWT's rule. Hence, the problem getting absurd.

I can't choose between what I want and what my husband say. As a moslem wife, I clearly understand that I have to obey every single word of my husband say. Hence, alhough I know everthing how to get my new job, but I can't against Allah SWT's rule. The fact, my husband doesn't allow me to resign and getting the new job. I was lost it finally ....

I am so suffer for being lost of a golden opportunity. I am so pain for meeting with all the people here. I am so hopeless every single morning for going back here.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS, COMMUNICATE

I don't care everything now but my life. I need to rescue my life. I think I deserve to be happy. I am not a volunteer for being bullied or being hurt by everyone here.

I am so glad that I can talk to him, the CEO on Monday, 1st August 2011. I chat to him as my boss, as my friend, and as my dad if he doesn't mind, that what I said to him in the beginning. I said, that actually I have printed my resignation letter last night, Sunday, 31st July 2011. It should be given to him. I said that I just want to quit from work, as I have a very good opportunity.

I explained to him that, wasting almost for ten years wasn't making me better. On the contrary, I felt getting more stupid. I am not happy being here at all. And it's so hurt.

I can't use my competency appropriately here as the management doesn't need about it yet. That's  impossible for me to push the company to know better about something if they don't think that they do need it. Hence, it should be me who need to jump to another place that need my ability appropriately. And I was so happy that I was offered a good opportunity. Then, it was a perfect time for me to seize it !

The problem is, my husband doesn't allow me to quit. Hence, I have to stay here and facing all the suffer, again... I said that, I can't let my self for doing nothing, being hurt and being bullied for 18 years ahead. It doesn't make a sense ! Oh my Good, I only need to work.

I NEED TO JUMP
But, that's a life. I can't against Allah SWT's rule. It's not easy, yes. It takes time to deal with this situation normally, sure. But I also need to release my pain, of course because I 've just a human being.

I need to jump because I want to make myself meaningful to everyone arround of me. I need working. I need space. It's so hurt for seeing mistakes that I can't fix it at all. It's all about culture that's been built for decades. They love to live just the way the were. They have their own values that maybe for me looks weird. They don't want change.

So, I need to hijrah. I don't want to change them, too. It's okay, maybe they don't need my energy now. It doesn't mean that I am a looser then. But I have my own life. I can't wait. I have to make achievement for myself. I can't ask everyone to make it for me. I have to make it by myself. I have to build my dreams come true.

I don't wanna be hm .. career woman. No ! I am not a workaholic. I just want to be something. I need to release my energy positively. I need to be meaningfull. That's all.

I am sure, that Allah SWT will give me more opportunity that will come in a perfect time for me, for my husband and for my family. I know it would be good for me to be patient and I will do it. I know the time will come, I know there are always golden opportunities that Allah SWT has already prepared for me ... Inssya Allah ... Amin ....